879059-schramka-funeral-homes

How to Arrange a Funeral: A Step-by-Step Guide for Families

Thu, 23 Apr 2026 20:30:37 GMT

Need to plan a funeral? We're here to help.

Losing someone you love is one of life’s hardest moments. And yet, within hours or days of that loss, families are asked to make decisions they’ve never had to make before — about things most of us have little experience with and never expected to face so soon.

It doesn’t have to feel overwhelming.

If you’re wondering how to arrange a funeral, here’s a straightforward look at what the arrangement process involves, so you can walk in feeling informed and supported rather than anxious and uncertain.

What is the First Step in Arranging a Funeral?

Everything begins with a phone call.

Whether the death occurred at home, a hospital, or a care facility, a licensed funeral director will guide your very first steps — including the safe and dignified transfer of your loved one into our care.

You don’t need to have anything figured out before you call. You don’t need to know what kind of service you want or what questions to ask. That’s exactly what we’re here for.

Once your loved one has been brought into care, the formal planning process begins.

Step 1: The Arrangement Conference

Within a day or two, you’ll meet with a funeral director for what’s known as the arrangement conference — a guided, unhurried conversation designed to help your family make decisions that truly reflect who your loved one was. Plan for this meeting to last between one and two hours.

Getting to Know Your Loved One

The conference begins not with forms, but with a conversation about the person you’ve lost. Your funeral director will ask about their family, career, military service, hobbies, faith, and community memberships. This becomes the foundation for the obituary, the tribute, and the service itself.

Decedent Care

From there, the conversation shifts to the care of your loved one’s remains. Burial or cremation is typically the first and most foundational decision. Your funeral director will explain every option clearly and without pressure.

Step 2: Planning the Service

With care decisions settled, the focus turns to the service itself. Will there be a visitation? A funeral service? A graveside gathering? A celebration of life? There is no single right answer — your funeral director will help you find what fits your family and honors your loved one.

Receptions and Hospitality

One of the most meaningful things a family can do after a service is simply be together. Receptions give family and friends the time and space to share memories, offer support, and grieve as a community. Hospitality options range from light refreshments and coffee to a full catered meal — and personal touches like a favorite dish can spark exactly the kind of remembrance that matters most.

Creating a Fitting Tribute

Your funeral director will help you build the details that make the service personal:

Music
Readings
Photo tributes
Symbolic gestures
Meaningful keepsakes.

The goal is a service that genuinely reflects the person you lost.

Step 3: Handling the Practical Details

Toward the end of the conference, your funeral director will guide you through the practical details, including:

Writing and publishing the obituary
Ordering death certificates
Coordinating with the cemetery
Reviewing any available veterans’ benefits
Completing required documentation

In experienced hands, these don’t need to feel burdensome.

Step 4: Understanding Costs and Options

Funeral homes are required by federal law to provide a written General Price List. A good funeral director will walk you through every cost openly and honestly. You are in control of every decision. Ask questions, share your budget, and take the time you need.

What Information Do You Need to Arrange a Funeral?

You don’t need to arrive with everything figured out — but a few things help:

Full legal name
Date of birth
Social Security number
Military discharge papers (DD-214), if applicable.
Known wishes
Questions you want answered

It’s also helpful to bring a support person – someone who can help listen, remember details, and ask questions alongside you.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

You are not expected to have the answers before you walk through the door. A compassionate funeral director will meet you exactly where you are and guide you through every decision with patience and care.

Arranging a funeral is one of the most profound acts of love a family can offer. It is the last gift you give — a moment set apart to honor a life, gather the people who mattered, and begin the journey of healing together. With the right support, it can be exactly that.

Have questions about the arrangement process? Our team is here to help — before, during, and after your time of need. We’d be honored to serve your family.

Frequently Asked Questions About Arranging a Funeral

Do I have to make decisions right away?

No. While some steps begin shortly after death, you typically have time to consider your options and make thoughtful decisions.

Can I plan a funeral without knowing my loved one’s wishes?

Yes. Many families do. A funeral director can help guide you toward choices that reflect your loved one’s life and values.

Can we have a service if we choose cremation?

Yes. Cremation and meaningful services are not mutually exclusive. Many families choose to hold a visitation, memorial, or celebration of life.

Is embalming required?

No. Embalming is not always required and depends on the type of service and timing.

Community Connections- Reflections on the Season

Fri, 26 Dec 2025 17:12:59 GMT

How Meaningful Events Strengthen Bonds, Honor Loved Ones, and Support Families

This year, I have been truly grateful for the opportunity to create and participate in numerous community events, representing Schramka Funeral Home as a trusted resource, educator, and pillar of the communities we proudly serve. While conversations around death are never easy, knowing where to turn in a time of need is essential, and there is no better place than a funeral home that is deeply invested in strengthening and supporting its community.

In October, our Gather Them Home event brought families in with their cremated remains. We gave permanent, dignified placement to twelve loved ones who might not have found a final resting place without our involvement.

At the end of the month, we were the presenting sponsor for Nightmare on Elm Street, Downtown Thiensville’s growing family-friendly event hosted in the Village Park. This event featured a trunk-or-treat (led by our hearse), food trucks, music, games, a costume contest, and more.

In November, we hosted Veteran Resource Fairs at all three of our locations. These events brought together veterans, their families, and community partners, including county Veteran Service Officers, the Department of Veterans Affairs, Menomonee Falls Legion Post #382, senior helpers, and more. The events featured a presentation by VA Detail Clerk Jaime Price, who shared details on veteran burial benefits, including military honors, veteran cemetery options, and survivor benefits. The information was invaluable to attendees and prompted quality questions and discussion.

Also in November, I was honored to give a presentation titled “Have the Talk of a Lifetime” to senior care providers in the community, including hospice professionals, home care aides, assisted living staff, and more. The topic presented ideas not only to help start the conversation about end-of-life wishes but also to connect more deeply with family members to share memories and leave a lasting legacy.

Finally, in December, we hosted our annual Services of Remembrance for all the families we served in the last year. This service is always a special time for both the families and our staff to reconnect and remember the loved ones lost. The holiday season, especially the first holiday without a loved one, can be difficult, so we want to offer our families some comfort and remind them that they are not alone.

I’m looking forward to planning and creating more events for 2026, focused on grief support, education, and community involvement. Our Coffee and Conversation group is growing and will continue each month. Look for upcoming events like our Valentine’s Widows Brunch on our website and Facebook page.

Bandages for Your Heart - Grief Changes You: And It's Okay

Thu, 30 Oct 2025 12:36:21 GMT

Bandages for Your Heart - Grief Changes You: And It's Okay

When someone you love dies, the version of you that existed before their loss fades away. You don’t come out of grief the same person who went into it. Friends and family might say, “I just want the old you back,” not realizing that version of you no longer exists. That “you” changed the moment your loved one took their last breath.

Grief reshapes us—and while it's deeply painful, it can also bring about unexpected growth. Through conversations with many who’ve walked this path, I’ve heard time and again how loss changes them. Some changes are hard. Others, surprisingly, are for the better. Here are just a few ways grief can transform us:

It’s like living in a fog: In the early days of grief, it often feels like you’re walking through a dense fog. Everything is muted. The world continues to spin, but you feel frozen in time. The void left behind is immense, and the ache of missing your loved one is constant. While this fog eventually lifts, it never fully disappears. Certain moments, dates, or memories can bring it rushing back without warning.
A Different Kind of Joy: At first, it may feel like happiness is gone forever. But eventually, joy does return—it just looks and feels different. It’s quieter, deeper, and often tinged with a bittersweet edge. You learn to carry joy and sorrow side by side.
Relearning Self-Care: If you were a caregiver, your own needs likely took a back seat. Now, with your loved one gone, you may finally have space to care for yourself. For others, the pain can be so heavy that self-care feels pointless. But grief demands energy—physical, emotional, spiritual—and meeting your needs is not selfish. It’s survival. Now is the time for radical, unapologetic self-care.
Friendships Change: Grief has a way of revealing who’s truly there for you. Some people you expected to lean on may drift away—they might not know how to handle your pain or feel uncomfortable with your sorrow. Others, sometimes unexpectedly, show up in meaningful ways. Try not to hold resentment for those who can’t meet you in your grief. Instead, cherish those who do. Let them walk with you.
Letting Go of Little Things: After experiencing such a profound loss, the small irritations that used to bother you just... don’t. Traffic jams, long lines, petty drama—they pale in comparison to what you’ve endured. You see life differently now, and you begin to focus only on what truly matters.
Savoring the Moment: You understand, in a way others might not, that life can change in an instant. This realization pushes you to appreciate small, quiet moments—morning coffee, a sunset, a hug. You don’t take those things for granted anymore.
Shifting Priorities: Grief often reshuffles your to-do list. The dishes can wait. What matters more now is time spent with people you love, or moments of peace and reflection. You begin choosing what nurtures your heart, not just what fills your calendar.
Rediscovering or Exploring Hobbies: Many people find themselves drawn to new interests or returning to long-forgotten passions. Whether it’s painting, hiking, gardening, or dancing—it doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it brings a sense of purpose or joy. These activities don’t erase grief, but they can offer comfort, distraction, or even healing.
Asking for Help – If your partner or loved one handled certain things, their absence might leave you feeling unsure or overwhelmed. You might hesitate to ask for help, worried about being a burden. But now is the time to let others in. Accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s an act of courage and connection. Let people love you in this way.
Inner Strength: Perhaps the most profound c hange people report is realizing how strong they truly are. You didn’t ask for this, and yet here you are—showing up, getting through each day, learning how to carry your loss. That strength was always within you. Now, it’s rising to the surface. It is one of grief’s quiet gifts.

Grief will change you. That’s not a failure—it’s a testament to your love. You’re not meant to “go back to normal.” You're meant to find your way forward, carrying the memory of your loved one with you as you grow, heal, and live again.

And it’s okay—more than okay—that you’re not the same.

Gather Them Home

Fri, 05 Sep 2025 15:26:42 GMT

Gather Them Home

Finding Dignity and Closure Beyond Direct Cremation

Last year, I read a book entitled The Right Way of Death: Restoring the American Funeral Business to Its True Calling by Eric Layer. To say this book inspired me is a gross understatement. It lit a fire in me to be the best I could be as a funeral director and offer meaningful experiences to families who have lost loved ones. The book explores the changing funeral industry, including how to navigate the shift in family preferences, and how to effectively lead families through the grief process as final viewings and graveside services are gradually eliminated. The rise in cremation nationwide is a large reason for this, but the book gives examples and ideas on how to still create an environment that allows grief to be expressed. One of my favorite quotes is “Humans have almost universally agreed throughout history and across cultures that grieving requires action, community, and ritual.” (pg 52). As a funeral director, I see this every day and do my best to create opportunities for families to have those three things happen.

What we call a “direct cremation” by itself is just the cremation of the body with no services. Families have given me many reasons why they only want a direct cremation - financial, desire to keep things simple, family issues, or “dad just didn’t want anything”. While I will never press a family away from doing a direct cremation, that process itself does not allow proper grieving to take place. What I recommend to those families may be a final private view of their loved one, or if they don’t want a service, I tell them to gather with family and friends for a lunch to share stories and remember the person they have lost together. Closure can be found in many small acts; it does not always require a large and expensive gathering. But the action, community, and ritual, whatever they may be, must be utilized for grief to evolve.

Another aspect of the direct cremation choice that many do not consider is what happens to the cremated remains after cremation. Some are interred in a cemetery, some are placed on the mantel to keep a loved one close, and some may be scattered in a favorite place. But a problem arises for those who keep the cremated remains at home - what happens as generations pass, and those who are left caring for an urn no longer even know who the person was that is in the urn? Will they pay hundreds or even thousands of dollars to inter them in a cemetery? Will they know a favorite place to scatter the ashes? Or will the urn find itself somewhere it doesn’t belong- forgotten in a closet, on a shelf at Goodwill, or even in the landfill? All of these things have happened time and again, and will continue to happen unless a better solution is found.

Eric Layer mentions in The Right Way of Death an event he helped start at a cemetery in New Mexico called Scatter Day. For one day, families with urns they didn’t know what to do with were invited to bring them to the cemetery for free placement or scattering in their scatter garden. While this event could have been considered a bad business practice, the truth of the matter was that it gave people a chance to put their loved ones to rest in a dignified manner, who may not have otherwise had the opportunity to do so.

The moment I read about Scatter Day, I knew I wanted to bring this to our own families. Both legally and in the funeral service industry, we incorrectly identify cremation as “final disposition”. If that were true, we would not find the need to place or scatter the cremated remains reverently. But because of this inaccurate definition, funeral professionals are partly to blame for the lack of follow-through on placement of cremated remains.

In order to bring Scatter Day to our funeral home, I had to get a little creative. In Wisconsin, funeral homes and cemeteries legally must be separate entities, so I needed to find a place to inter the cremated remains. For many years, Holy Cross Cemetery in Milwaukee has offered funeral homes in the area to place their unclaimed cremated remains for free, so I reached out to them to see if they would accept urns from this event. They readily agreed. Because Holy Cross is a Catholic cemetery and remains are meant to be kept whole and together, I renamed our Scatter Day event to Gather Them Home, which was itself a decree from Pope Francis regarding the disposition of cremated remains.

On August 21st, 2024, we held our first memorial service for families who wanted to inter their loved ones’ urns. The memorial service included comforting words and music, followed by food and fellowship at our funeral home. The urns that were brought in were placed on a table together in reverence to be taken to Holy Cross for their All Souls Remembrance and placement on November 1st. In total, we collected 31 urns for placement.

I knew the importance of this event. I knew there was a need for it. What I wasn’t prepared for was the sheer relief we felt from families as they carried in their loved ones’ urns to be laid to rest, finally. One family brought in four urns that had been collecting in their closet. Some of the dates for cremation go back to the 1970s and 1980s. The urns came from all over the country- from Alaska to Maine. It was an incredible representation of how families wanted to care for their loved ones’ remains, but couldn’t or didn’t know how to give them a proper final disposition.

The day after the event, my mind was reeling, and I ultimately focused on one thing- how to reach more people who need this service. I believe that the vast majority of people know that cremated remains don’t belong in the garbage. But whether they don’t have the means or the knowledge to provide otherwise, that’s sometimes what happens. So I will continue to advocate for proper placement of cremains and provide opportunities for families who need it.

Our next Gather Them Home event will take place on Wednesday, October 15th, at 6 PM at Schramka Funeral Home, 13220 W Capitol Dr, Brookfield. Families are invited to a memorial service followed by food and fellowship. If families have an urn or urns they want to be interred but can’t come to the memorial service, they are welcome to bring them to the funeral home any time prior to October 15th.

Bandages for Your Heart - Your Spiritual Toolbox: Everyday Activities for Grief Recovery

Mon, 25 Aug 2025 14:32:30 GMT

Bandages for Your Heart

Your Spiritual Toolbox: Everyday Activities for Grief Recovery

A Riddle: Everyone has one. It has taken your entire life to create. Yet, you don’t always use it when you most need it. What is it? Your spiritual toolbox.

What is a spiritual toolbox? It is a collection of activities that bring you comfort and motivation. For some, reading a spiritual book or exercising always lifts their spirits. For others, shopping or chopping wood provides the boost they need to overcome a tough moment. Creating your own personal list of ways to feel better is a great step toward emotional well-being. Notice that it’s not about waiting until you feel better to take action but rather taking action in order to feel better. Grief can paralyze you, creating inertia that makes even small steps feel overwhelming. However, when the action required is something you already enjoy, it becomes easier to begin.

In my programs, we brainstorm lists of activities that people want to include in their spiritual toolbox. Here are ten of the most popular (not in any particular order):

Exercise
Reading uplifting books
Listening to music
Prayer
Spending time with friends and family
Journaling
Shopping
Watching a funny movie or television show
Knitting or other crafts
Playing with a pet

Each of these activities helps shift your focus from the pain of grief, redirecting your energy toward comfort and even joy. Some of these ideas may appeal to you, while others might not. That’s okay. Take a moment to write down your personal list of activities that help you feel better.

Once your list is complete, take a moment to set it in your mind. Close your eyes and take three deep breaths. Begin to visualize what your toolbox looks like. There are no rules—people have envisioned everything from a Craftsman toolbox to a wicker basket, a shopping bag, or even an upside-down hat! Let your toolbox appear in your mind naturally. Once you see it, mentally place each of the items from your list inside. If needed, have someone read your list to you, record it and play it back, or simply peek at your list before continuing the visualization. Once everything is in the toolbox, impress upon your heart that these resources are always available to you whenever you need them.

The final step involves preparation and action. Download, purchase, or subscribe to a streaming music service so your favorite songs are readily available. Visit the library or bookstore or download an app to have books at your fingertips. Make plans to go out with friends. Add funny television shows or movies to your watchlist so they are easy to access when you need a good laugh.

Every day, choose something from your list and make time to do it. There may be moments when tears flow as you read a meaningful passage or watch a movie you once enjoyed with a loved one. Honor these tears, they help you cherish the good times. Your spiritual toolbox is a tool for healing, not forgetting. It allows you to connect with your loved one, your Higher Power, and most importantly, with yourself.

____________________

This article is offered as part of our funeral home’s grief support program. The author, Nancy Weil, is a Certified Grief Management Specialist. You are invited to join our virtual Healing Hearts grief support group, facilitated by Nancy twice a month on Zoom. Please contact our funeral home for more information.

Bandages for Your Heart - Misery Loves Company: How Grief Support Groups Help

Mon, 25 Aug 2025 14:25:58 GMT

Bandages for Your Heart

Misery Loves Company: How Grief Support Groups Help

These three words not only define why a grief support group is important, but they also explain why some people avoid attending one.

While being with others who share a similar experience can be incredibly helpful, what actually happens during a meeting is often not what people expect. Most support groups are not just places where people “sit around and tell sad stories.” Instead, each session provides an opportunity for participants to share how they are navigating their grief, discuss challenges they are facing, and celebrate small victories along the way. The facilitator weaves these stories together, helping attendees gain wisdom and perspective from one another. Laughter and tears are both welcome, as each plays a role in the healing process.

Support can be offered in person, over the phone, or virtually through platforms like Zoom. The method of connection is less important than the shared experience itself. Healing occurs as attendees learn practical tools to navigate their grief—whether through breathing techniques, strategies for coping with loneliness, or insights from others who truly understand their pain. Facilitators and group members alike provide guidance, ensuring that no one feels lost or alone in their journey.

Many grieving individuals struggle to find understanding from friends and family who simply cannot relate to their loss. A support group, however, offers a sanctuary where emotions and thoughts can be freely expressed, without judgment. Here, everyone is heard, valued, and supported by those who truly understand the depth of their sorrow.

Grief can be an isolating experience, but coming together with others helps ease that burden. Within a grief support group, something special happens—a quiet kind of magic. When the session ends, each person leaves knowing they are not alone. They carry the love, support, and prayers of the group with them. No one should have to grieve alone, and in a grief support group, both mourning and healing find their rightful place.

____________________

Bandages for Your Heart - Living Your Legacy: Honoring Memories and Finding Purpose

Mon, 25 Aug 2025 14:17:27 GMT

Bandages for Your Heart

Living Your Legacy: Honoring Memories and Finding Purpose

When we hear the word “legacy,” we often think of something grand or powerful. Rarely do we consider it to be the small, everyday actions—the way we treat others and the values we uphold. Yet, when we remember those we have loved and lost, these are exactly the things that stand out. It is the ordinary moments that become cherished memories. The stories of their lives form a lasting legacy, passed down through generations.

We recall their journeys—perhaps immigrating through Ellis Island to build a new life in America. We think of how they earned a living, the hobbies they enjoyed, their sense of humor, their cooking, their love for golf or bowling, and the countless little things that made them who they were. Their essence remains, inspiring us with how they faced adversity, treated others, and embraced life.

As Robert Frost said, “I can sum up everything I know about life in three words… it goes on.” And it does. In times of grief or overwhelm, it may seem impossible to regain the energy to move forward—but we must. Each day is an opportunity to shape our own legacy. We can live in a way that inspires those around us. We can learn new things and take up new activities. We can love our family and friends and conduct ourselves in a compassionate manner towards all who come our way.

Mother Teresa once said, “Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” There is no greater legacy than that.

____________________

Bandages for Your Heart - Laughter in the Face of Tears: How Humor Helps in Grief Recovery

Mon, 25 Aug 2025 14:00:08 GMT

Bandages for Your Heart

Laughter in the Face of Tears: How Humor Helps in Grief Recovery

Many people believe that grief and laughter don’t belong together. After all, when you’re coping with the loss of a loved one, the idea of finding humor during such deep sorrow can feel impossible—or even inappropriate. Yet, research on the relationship between laughter and grief shows that laughter is a natural and beneficial response, even amid sorrow. The healing benefits extend to the body, mind, and spirit, helping to ease the pain.

Why laughter? If laughter is the best medicine, is there anything that cannot be eased by using it? When grieving, several common symptoms arise. The immune system is often suppressed, yet research suggests that laughter can boost immune function. Many individuals also experience difficulty concentrating after the death of a loved one. This temporary lack of focus can actually serve as a protective mechanism, allowing the enormity of the loss to sink in gradually. This process may take weeks, months, or even years, but it is a natural part of grieving. In the meantime, many find themselves relying on Post-it notes or lists to complete simple tasks. Laughter can aid brain function and memory retention, reducing stress and providing momentary relief from sadness. As humorist Erma Bombeck once said, "If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it."

Many people find that laughter brings comfort after losing a loved one. In a recent study, our team explored the relationship between laughter and grief through a survey of over 400 individuals. One participant shared, "Laughter lifts the heavy burden of loss, even if only for a few minutes. It is a wonderful respite." Telling stories about a loved one helps many cope with their absence. Others have developed a personal Humor Plan of Action (HPOA), intentionally incorporating laughter into their daily routine. This could involve reading comics, watching a favorite sitcom or movie, or searching for their favorite comedian on YouTube. Some respondents used gallows humor to lighten difficult moments. One woman, upon visiting her mother’s grave and noticing cracked and parched soil, turned to her brother and quipped, "It looks like Mom is trying to get out to get her cigarettes."

Of course, not everyone finds laughter easy after a loss. Some may want to laugh but struggle to find anything funny. Others may feel guilty for experiencing happiness again. One woman found that those around her stopped offering comfort because they misinterpreted her laughter as a sign that she was fine. Grieving is often filled with contradictions.

Fortunately, the benefits of laughter can still be accessed through therapeutic laughter—laughing for no reason. The brain does not require an external stimulus to produce the sound of laughter. Try laughing for thirty seconds or a minute right now. Close your eyes and experiment with different sounds—chuckle, giggle, or tee-hee. Do you feel better? If a doctor offered a prescription that lifted moods, boosted the immune system, enhanced concentration, and reduced stress—all at no cost—wouldn’t you take it? That is the gift of laughter.

There is no one who would want their loved ones to remain miserable forever. If you are seeking permission to smile and laugh again, think of it as a path to healing. Perhaps you can start by recalling funny stories about your loved one, looking at old photos, or watching home videos. It may involve spending time with friends and family, reconnecting with joy, even if only temporarily. Grief encompasses a wide range of emotions—laughter, anger, guilt, joy, tears, and bitterness. Each has its place, but it is important not to dwell too long in any one emotion. Identify what you are feeling and visit that neighborhood, but don’t build your house on Anger Alley or Offended Lane. Also, recognize that guilt often accompanies joy in the grieving process.

Just as grief is experienced differently by each person, so too is humor and laughter. The role they play in your healing journey is a personal choice. By understanding the restorative power of laughter, you can begin to appreciate its value as a coping tool. Whether you engage in spontaneous laughter or develop a full Humor Plan of Action, I encourage you to smile, chuckle, and laugh. You may find that laughter and tears can coexist, each playing a part in your path to healing.

____________________

Bandages for Your Heart - Feel Better Now: A Simple 6-Step Guide to Healing After a Loss

Mon, 25 Aug 2025 13:55:31 GMT

Bandages for Your Heart
Feel Better Now: A Simple 6-Step Guide to Healing After a Loss

I have spent years studying and sharing healing techniques to help ease the daily pain that accompanies loss. Although coping with grief may feel overwhelming, these 6 tools can offer emotional support, provide comfort, and help you rebuild hope after heartache.

Here are six steps to help you navigate grief and make it through each day:

Rally the Troops
Reach out to family and friends—let them know what has happened. Their love and support will sustain you. Their calls, messages, and presence can help you get through not just the day, but even the next few minutes. Tell them what you need, and be willing to forgive any well-meaning but unhelpful advice. Accept their words as coming from a place of love, then let them go.
Check In with Yourself
Ask yourself throughout the day, “How am I feeling at this moment?” Tune in to your emotions—not what you think you should feel, but what you truly feel. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and listen to your heart. You may be surprised to find moments of peace or even joy amid the sorrow. Grief isn’t constant heaviness; allowing yourself to acknowledge lighter moments can be healing. When people grieve, they tend to shut down. They stuff their feelings and wear a mask. There is a perception that others don’t want to witness our pain, so it is simpler to just act as if we are okay. This can be exhausting both physically and mentally. By getting back in touch with your feelings, it allows you to “check in” and understand where you are at.
Breathe
The simplest way to center yourself and reduce anxiety is through deep breathing. Shallow “stress breathing” moves only the upper chest, while deep belly breathing engages the diaphragm, calming the nervous system. Take slow, full breaths, focusing on the inhale and exhale. Let each breath bring you into the present moment, free from past regrets or future worries.
Write it Out
Journaling allows you to release emotions and process thoughts. Write freely—no need to edit or censor yourself. Document your memories, pain, and daily experiences. Write down your thoughts about the future. As time passes, looking back on older entries can reveal the progress you’ve made. Words are powerful tools for healing, and putting your feelings on paper can lighten your emotional load.
Laugh Daily
Laughter reduces stress, boosts your immune system, gets your brain working, and lifts your mood. Watch a funny show, listen to a comedian, or spend time with lighthearted friends. Even if you don’t feel like laughing, do it anyway, fake laughter can still trigger real benefits. It’s impossible to be both anxious and laughing at the same time, so embrace joy, even in small moments.
Engage in Your Passions
Doing something you love helps diminish pain. While some activities may carry bittersweet memories, engaging in them can still bring comfort. When you are “in the zone” time stops and things flow. If you’re unsure what sparks joy for you, explore new interests. Make a list of things that uplift you—reading, nature walks, gardening, time with pets or grandchildren. These passions form your personal “spiritual toolbox” to draw from in difficult moments.

Believe it or not, joy is still within reach. These six simple practices can help reconnect you with inner happiness. No matter where you are on your grief journey, you can take small steps toward healing. Connect with others, embrace your emotions, breathe deeply, write, laugh, and live. As James Russell Lowell said, “Joy comes, grief goes, we know not how.”

____________________

Knowing Your Options and Planning Ahead

Mon, 11 Aug 2025 15:21:33 GMT

Knowing Your Options and Planning Ahead

How Personalization and Preplanning Can Create the Goodbye You Want — and the Comfort Your Family Needs

One thing I love about my job is the opportunity to educate families on what is possible when it comes to a funeral or memorial service for their loved one. The traditional image of families dressed in black at church or the graveside, completely solemn, still has its place in the modern day. Funerals are a time to come together and mourn, sharing grief and learning to accept what has been lost. But more and more, I find memorial services filled with laughter and a chance to tell a loved one's story. This may be a display of tea cups, recipes on memorial cards, or tomato plants used instead of flowers. When I help families write obituaries, I ask them, "What do people say when they talk about your dad? What will make people think of him when they see it?" I've helped transform our funeral home into a carpenter's woodshop and a beach retreat for someone who loved traveling to Florida. At those services, along with the traditional prayer cards, we gave away carpenter's pencils with the deceased's name on it and vials of sand and shells for guests to have as a keepsake. Creating those unique environments brought up fond memories for family and friends and encouraged storytelling throughout the visitation.

Recently, I had a woman reach out to me to preplan her funeral. I had taken care of her son several years before, so I knew her fairly well, but several months ago, she had been given a cancer diagnosis with only a few months to live. I visited her home to discuss what she envisioned for her service. She had chosen cremation with a memorial service and was able to designate some friends to take care of the arrangements instead of family who lived further away. Once we covered the basics, I asked for more details about what she wanted the service to look like. She was very detailed in who she wanted to speak (even some of what she wanted them to say), what pictures she wanted out, and what food she wanted catered (we had a huge tray of her favorite - blonde brownies!). And lastly, included in the obituary, was an instruction that all funeral guests please wear bright colors. She did not want this to be a sad event, but a party.

After she passed and we held her celebration of life, every single guest left with a smile or a comment of "This was exactly what she wanted!" And it was - because she was able to preplan and tell me all of her wishes to make the event exactly what she wanted, but also what her friends and family needed after her passing.

While personalization can make a funeral or memorial service especially memorable, sometimes the type of service a family selects is just as important. While cremation is the preferred choice for most families these days, there is still usually an option for viewing before cremation as a chance for a final goodbye. This may be a private viewing just for a few family members — maybe for someone who had been out of town and didn't get a chance to say goodbye — or it may be a full public visitation with a rental casket. Whatever form of final disposition is chosen - cremation, burial, or entombment - a final viewing can be incredibly helpful in finding closure and moving through your grief journey.

As a preplanner, I hear many reasons for people not to plan ahead- whether they're not ready financially, think they're too young, or just don't want to talk about their eventual death. But the fact is that preplanning actually solves all of these excuses:

If you preplan, the financial burden can be lifted from your family and may even save you money in the long run if service pricing is guaranteed.

We never know when our time is coming, so give yourself and your family the peace of mind of knowing things are taken care of.

Lastly, even though the conversation can be hard, you can only get what you want if you say something. Deciding what kind of services you want and making your wishes known can ease stress on family members who are already going through an emotional time.

Hard conversations are a part of life. So is death. Taking the time to learn about the options available for your funeral and what may help your family after you are gone can be the best gift you can give them —and yourself.

by Amanda King

Funeral Director

Bandages for Your Heart - Making Cents of it All: Using Small Acts of Kindness to Find Healing After Loss

Wed, 06 Aug 2025 20:21:04 GMT

Bandages for Your Heart

Making Cents of it All: Using Small Acts of Kindness to Find Healing After Loss

I read an article about a grief support group being held in an all-boys high school. At a time of life when their greatest worry should be acne, girlfriends and homework, these boys all were struggling with the death of a parent. The very people we take for granted will be there for us when we get home from school or across the dinner table at night, had tragically left this world too soon. These young men who had to hold it together all day, were able to be vulnerable and show their sorrow, their fears and their anger at what had happened to them in their life. Instead of turning to alcohol, drugs or other unhealthy crutches to handle the pain, they turned to one another. Teachers would come each month to the group and share their own stories of loss, many of their stories mirrored what their students were dealing with. They saw their teachers as vulnerable, as parentless children now grown up; they saw them as human beings with a wounded heart like their own. Over pizza and chocolate chip cookies, these young men journeyed together through their grief. Over shared words and understood pain, they healed. They also were challenged to do one thing every day… use three cents.

Three pennies was the cost of this valuable lesson and it is one we can all put into our own lives. They were instructed to take three pennies and put them in their pocket. Throughout the day they were challenged to make a difference to someone, to offer a kindness or help them in some way. Each time they completed this task, they were to take one penny and put it in their other pocket. By the end of the day the goal was to have all three cents safely harbored in the opposite pocket from which it began. The challenge began all over again the next morning.

Transforming pain into purpose. For these young men it came from reaching out to others. Grief can be isolating. How we are feeling is not easily understood by others. By reaching out of our own pain, we connect with other people and begin to heal. The loss becomes a little more bearable when the experience turns into a way to reach out to others with a new understanding, a more compassionate outlook and a desire to help another person in some small way.

But what about the other side of this equation…how good are you at receiving? Life is about balance and it is just as important that you are a good “receiver” and not just a good “giver.” Throw out the old adage: ‘tis better to give than to receive . You must do both. Can you ask for help when you need it? Many people struggle with this and do not like to ask for help. They are like the two-year old in the “me do” stage. They can do it all themselves, even if it is a bit of a struggle. If this sounds like you, read on for a reason to stop the old habit of “me do” and begin to allow the “yes, thank you” into your life.

Research has shown that when a person receives a kindness, their serotonin levels rise, making them feel good. The person who offers the kindness, their levels rise as well. Remarkably anyone who witnesses that kindness also has an upswing in their serotonin levels. The ripple effect of a kindness offered and received continues on. In fact, those people who received or witnessed a kindness were more likely to offer one to someone else that day. “Pay it forward” in action. Yet if you don’t allow someone to help you, you are depriving so many from the benefit of the kind action. “Me do” must make way for “you do for me” in order for this chain reaction to begin. Give and take, offer and receive, from one kindness to another. Take another three pennies and use them to mark each time you allow someone to help you. From pocket to pocket, person to person, the pennies are merely touchstones to remind us that our lives are enriched when we make “cents” out of our day.

____________________

Bandages for Your Heart - Grief is Like a Marathon: Understanding the Journey of Loss

Wed, 06 Aug 2025 20:21:03 GMT

Bandages for Your Heart

Grief is Like a Marathon: Understanding the Journey of Loss

On mile 23 my legs were ready to admit defeat. Mentally I was still focused on crossing that finish line, but my body was weary in the heat of the day. Walking 26.2 miles is not an easy feat, especially when you are out of shape and overweight. While I trained for this day, nothing prepares you for the actual event. By mile 11 I had already learned that mental attitude was far more important than physical training. I witnessed people talk themselves out of the race. “I will just rest for a while and then continue,” they would say. They caught the next bus back to the finish line. My feet hurt and I have the wrong socks and it is hot and my leg is cramping…. excuse after excuse after excuse. Not one of them reached their goal and finished the race. I did…. twice. Once in Jamaica and once in Oregon. I am looking forward to training for one again. Walking those marathons changed my life.

I spoke about my experience to a grief support group recently. Grief can feel like walking that marathon. It is a long journey and one that you can never be totally prepared for. There are others on the path that support you and encourage you to just make it a bit further. They set the pace and keep you going. There are others who get stuck where they are and never seem to find their way. They continue to grieve deeply years later. Their life does not move forward. Time continues, but they hold on to the past.

Grief is not only a physical journey; it is an emotional and mental one as well. Thoughts repeat and send you a message that does not always make you feel better. Fear, sadness, regret, remorse, guilt, pain and anxiety may seem to be the theme of what occupies your thoughts each day. None of these eases your pain. By changing your thoughts, you can begin to make progress towards healing. Become a survivor by acknowledging those small steps you take. For one person that could be mowing the lawn for the first time. For another, it might be grocery shopping without tears when you pass by your loved one’s favorite food. Each small success is a moment to savor. It is an indicator that you will survive. That you can do more than you ever thought you could. That inside of you is a strength that you may have never called upon before, but now that you need it, it is there to carry you through.

There is one major difference between a marathon and the journey of grief. I could mark my progress by each mile marker. 26.2 miles and I was finished -medal around my neck and heading back to the hotel, proud of my accomplishment. There is not a finish line to cross for grief. There is no cheering crowd or end point to aim for. It may feel like you are wandering aimlessly, and this can lead to you giving up hope that life will ever be sweet again. We are a goal-oriented society and unprepared for a challenge that has no set steps or guideposts. How can we measure progress on a journey without an end? How do we avoid feeling hopeless and helpless? How might we harness inner strength when we have no energy to even make it through the day?

Three things to keep in mind:

There may be no finish line, but the journey is taking you somewhere. You have the choice to just drift or to guide your path. You can join a grief support group, read books on grieving, get involved in new activities, start to take care of yourselves (even to the point of a little bit of pampering) or even just breathe when you are feeling overwhelmed. Remember that, while you did not choose this to happen, you can choose how you handle it. Are you ready to take action or are you content to just wallow and give up?
Celebrate each step of forward progress. Recognize when you do something that was difficult to accomplish. If you learn how to pay the bills, change a light bulb or take a trip alone, acknowledge that this was a moment to savor. Mixed emotions may accompany these times, but you did it…or at least you tried. Success is not always measured in completing a task, but in getting started. Taking that first step is always the hardest one. Once you do that, the rest of the way will open to you.
There are no medals for surviving a loss but never doubt that you are a winner. Each time you reach out in understanding to someone else in pain, you win. Every laugh, smile and happy moment you share with others, you win. When you give back in your loved one’s honor, you win. When you share a memory of a time spent together or look at their photo and feel love, not pain, you win. When you start to accept your “new” life and begin to see all that is yet for you to do, you win.

Step by step, slowly and steadily you find yourself moving along. Life begins to find its rhythm and you start to dream of things yet to be, once again. The journey of grief has no time clock, no finish line to cross and no medals to display, but it does have one thing that a marathon does not...you are not walking alone. Your loved one accompanies you every step of the way.

____________________

A Career in Funeral Service

Tue, 20 May 2025 15:15:12 GMT

A Career in Funeral Service

Sharing the Realities, Rewards, and Shifting Perceptions of Funeral Service

Last month, I had the opportunity to be both a presenter and an exhibitor at Career Day at two local high schools. Being able to present information to high school students about a career in funeral service was a great and engaging experience. Funeral service is not a career most students consider, or are even aware of. During my presentation, I opened with the question, "What does a funeral director do?". I was a little surprised to get answers that exclusively talked about how funeral directors lead services, help families through grief, and plan the details of the funeral or celebration of life - out of two classes of about twenty students each, no one mentioned preparation or disposition of the body. Even in a younger generation who probably hasn't been to many, if any, funerals in their lives, these answers represent the clear change that is happening in the funeral industry- a shift of what is important or meaningful to families in a funeral.

A career in funeral service isn't an easy one. Death does not stop at 5 PM; even a good on-call schedule promises to take away your nights, weekends, and holidays. You may be up all night making transfers, then must report by 7 AM to get to church for a service. Some days are booked solid with services, and it's all hands on deck- that means you can't be sick, your kids can't be sick, and your dog can't be sick. You NEED to show up for your service because there is no one else. But that sentiment pulled me into funeral service, and often keeps me going when the days and weeks get long- there is no one else.

Many funeral service professionals will tell you it's a calling. Not everyone can do it. Whether because of the on-call hours, a weak stomach, or just the desire to avoid grief and sadness every day, many people just can't handle a job in funeral service. But for those of us who have been called to it, it is one of the most rewarding professions imaginable.

As a funeral director, I have the privilege of helping families share the stories of their loved ones—and what remarkable stories they are. Like the 90-year-old woman who was abandoned by her father at a train station, yet went on to build a legacy and raise a family of her own. Or the passionate volunteer and small business owner who became a true pillar of the community. And the environmentalist teacher who not only wrote books about soil, but chose to be cremated and placed in a biodegradable soil urn - a final act that reflected the values she lived by.

I see laughter arise from grief as families take time to reminisce and celebrate the time they shared with their loved ones. I get a glimpse into the deceased's lives at all stages—learning to drive stick shift, jumping fences at concerts, rising through their careers, and their sheer joy when building Magna-Tiles with their grandchildren. Seeing lives from the end of their stories gives perspective on what is most important and lessons on how to live a good life.

At the career fairs, I encouraged those interested to explore different options for entering funeral service - whether a job shadow, tour of a funeral home, or entering into an apprenticeship. In Wisconsin, the state requires an Associate's degree in Funeral Service, a one-year apprenticeship, and passing state and national board exams. Recently, they have also started a two-day apprenticeship course through MATC to become licensed as a funeral apprentice. Apprentices can do transfers, body preparation, and assist with funeral services under supervision. This is an easy way to get your feet wet in the industry without a major time or financial commitment to start a career in funeral service.

Though finding a work-life balance can be challenging, a career in funeral service offers incredible opportunities to help families through their most difficult times, as well as a chance to hear amazing stories about the lives of those in our community.

Returning to Nature: Exploring Green Burial and New Eco-Friendly End-of-Life Options

Fri, 04 Apr 2025 14:52:36 GMT

Returning to Nature: Exploring Green Burial and New Eco-Friendly End-of-Life Options

As spring brings renewal, many are rethinking traditional funerals in favor of natural, sustainable choices —offering a meaningful way to honor life, death, and the environment.

Spring is officially here, and as the days get warmer and we start to return to the fresh air and enjoy the budding trees and flowers, we are reminded of the cycle of life. When thinking about what this means to your funeral, you may consider green burial as an option.

The idea of green burial is not new—in fact, it is thousands of years old. However, the rising awareness and focus on what is sustainable, environmentally friendly, and, well, green has given rise to more interest in alternate disposition options.

What most of the funeral industry defines as a "traditional" green burial mainly comes down to three components: no chemical embalming, no outer burial container, and the use of natural materials for either a casket or burial shroud. These may include wicker or wooden caskets without metal hardware.

What I like about the idea of green burial is the "natural" element. It brings us closer to the elements in a physical way, returning to earth without barriers or chemical preservatives.

Just this week, I talked with a woman who was interested in the new alternative disposition of "terramation," or human composting. The process consists of a burial container or "pod" containing all-natural elements, such as alfalfa, that help with the body's natural decomposition. The process takes several months, and what remains is a soil-like material that can be returned to the family or used in needed areas such as for reforestation.

Part of our discussion led to her father's death just before COVID. She was with him daily and was able to be with him at the time of his death. I could tell just from her voice how important it was for her to be there, and how moving and spiritual it was for her to experience his last moments with him. We talked about how death is a natural part of life, just like birth, and how, in certain settings, it is a time for family that should be witnessed and felt fully. To witness death is to be in touch with your own mortality. Though the emotions that come with death - grief, sadness, maybe anger or guilt - are quite the opposite of the joy that comes with a new birth, they are just as important to experience. Grief is a natural part of the human experience; blocking it off or ignoring it is unhealthy.

While terramation is still very new and not yet legal in the state of Wisconsin, it may be only a few more years before it becomes available locally. However, we are fortunate in our area to have two public cemeteries that offer traditional green burial: Prairie Home Cemetery in Waukesha and Forest Home Cemetery in Milwaukee. There are many options available if you are interested in a green funeral, so ask your funeral director today how we can help honor your wishes.

Amanda Kin g

Funeral Director

Five Years Later: The Impact of the COVID Pandemic on Grief

Fri, 07 Mar 2025 15:18:34 GMT

Five Years Later: The Impact of the COVID Pandemic on Grief

Honoring Lost Moments: A Memorial for Those We Couldn’t Mourn

Five years ago, the COVID pandemic shut down the world, leaving us isolated in a way we have never experienced. While many are glad just to be past that time, be able to gather with friends and family, and get back to “normal”, many others are left with a profound loss that can never be regained.

In the funeral profession, we faced our own challenges, not only in the increased death rate but in what we could offer to grieving families. So many families chose direct cremation who otherwise would have had an open casket visitation or decided not to have services either because they couldn’t or because family members were sick or couldn’t travel. Live-streamed services were helpful, but many missed the visiting hours where stories were shared and hugs were exchanged. The day before, I was to host a large service- over 200 visitors were expected- and the order came to limit groups to 10 or fewer people. I called the young widow to ask her what she wanted to do, and we ended up canceling the funeral. To the best of my knowledge, she never rescheduled another gathering.

The thing about grief, especially in America, is that it is often considered private, something we don’t talk about because it’s painful, awkward, or maybe embarrassing. We think it’s something to get through, and eventually, everyone will be, given enough time. But that is only true when we actively grieve. While grief looks different for everyone, it must be given the opportunity to be expressed. Without those interactions of hugs and storytelling at the funeral, without the chance to gain closure at a final viewing or graveside service, the grief wasn’t being allowed to evolve. It, too, was being isolated. Those who lost a loved one during the pandemic, whether COVID itself was a factor or not, also lost the opportunity to express their grief and find closure.

In that line, Schramka Funeral Home will offer a special memorial service on Wednesday, March 19th, for all those who lost someone during the pandemic and may not have had the chance to grieve completely. We will share words and music of comfort, followed by a time of food and fellowship and a chance to connect with others who have gone through similar loss.

Contributed by Amanda King, Funeral Director and Preneed Counselor

Laura Klein Memorial Blood Drive - May 15, 2024

Mon, 06 May 2024 08:11:14 GMT

Laura Klein Memorial Blood Drive - May 15, 2024

Laura Klein started donating blood as soon as she turned 18. Laura donated religiously until she was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer on June 26, 2019, at which time she was no longer permitted to donate.

Her husband John took her place as a donor from that point forward, and he has been donating blood ever since. Laura believed in the importance of donating blood and saving other people's lives.

She herself had to receive several transfusions during the course of her chemotherapy, which is the reason she was able to continue in her treatments.

Laura passed away on April 22, 2022, and ever since, her husband John and their friends and family continue to donate blood in her honor! Please donate blood May 15th to save lives in honor of Laura.

Schramka Funeral Home

13220 W. Capitol Drive

Brookfield, WI 53005

Or Versiti Blood Center Bus

May 15, 2024

Appointments may be made at https://rb.gy/12qr6d

*As a special incentive, all attempting donors will be offered a FREE Water Park ticket to Mt. Olympus Water Park to use this summer.

*Blood CANNOT be manufactured. Don't we all expect it in our time of need, as Laura did, benefitting from the gift of others?

YES we do! Please donate and consider asking others to as well.

Laura Klein (1979-2022)

Schramka Funeral Home invites you to give blood in honor of Laura Klein. Your contribution and generosity can make an enormous difference in the lives of others.

879059-schramka-funeral-homes

How to Arrange a Funeral: A Step-by-Step Guide for Families

Need to plan a funeral? We're here to help.

What is the First Step in Arranging a Funeral?

Step 1: The Arrangement Conference

Getting to Know Your Loved One

Decedent Care

Step 2: Planning the Service

Receptions and Hospitality

Creating a Fitting Tribute

Step 3: Handling the Practical Details

Step 4: Understanding Costs and Options

What Information Do You Need to Arrange a Funeral?

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Frequently Asked Questions About Arranging a Funeral

Community Connections- Reflections on the Season

How Meaningful Events Strengthen Bonds, Honor Loved Ones, and Support Families

Bandages for Your Heart - Grief Changes You: And It's Okay

Bandages for Your Heart - Grief Changes You: And It's Okay

Gather Them Home

Gather Them Home

Bandages for Your Heart - Your Spiritual Toolbox: Everyday Activities for Grief Recovery

Bandages for Your Heart

Your Spiritual Toolbox: Everyday Activities for Grief Recovery

Bandages for Your Heart - Misery Loves Company: How Grief Support Groups Help

Bandages for Your Heart

Misery Loves Company: How Grief Support Groups Help

Bandages for Your Heart - Living Your Legacy: Honoring Memories and Finding Purpose

Bandages for Your Heart

Living Your Legacy: Honoring Memories and Finding Purpose

Bandages for Your Heart - Laughter in the Face of Tears: How Humor Helps in Grief Recovery

Bandages for Your Heart

Laughter in the Face of Tears: How Humor Helps in Grief Recovery

Bandages for Your Heart - Feel Better Now: A Simple 6-Step Guide to Healing After a Loss

Bandages for Your Heart Feel Better Now: A Simple 6-Step Guide to Healing After a Loss

Knowing Your Options and Planning Ahead

Knowing Your Options and Planning Ahead

Bandages for Your Heart - Making Cents of it All: Using Small Acts of Kindness to Find Healing After Loss

Bandages for Your Heart

Making Cents of it All: Using Small Acts of Kindness to Find Healing After Loss

Bandages for Your Heart - Grief is Like a Marathon: Understanding the Journey of Loss

Bandages for Your Heart

Grief is Like a Marathon: Understanding the Journey of Loss

A Career in Funeral Service

A Career in Funeral Service

Returning to Nature: Exploring Green Burial and New Eco-Friendly End-of-Life Options

Returning to Nature: Exploring Green Burial and New Eco-Friendly End-of-Life Options

Five Years Later: The Impact of the COVID Pandemic on Grief

Five Years Later: The Impact of the COVID Pandemic on Grief

Laura Klein Memorial Blood Drive - May 15, 2024

Laura Klein Memorial Blood Drive - May 15, 2024

Bandages for Your Heart
Feel Better Now: A Simple 6-Step Guide to Healing After a Loss